The Speech You Probably Shouldn't Ever Read
by The Sexy Tal
Summary: The worst speech in existance. It's a random Resisty speech. But really wouldn't accomplish much aside from sickening the audience. Don't say I didn't warn you.


All disclaimers and similar crap:  
  
Tal, the giver of this speech, is an original character that's involved with the Resisty. That's basically all you need to know. That and he's insane. And anyone who's mentioned in the speech that's not in the show are also original characters but it's not really important for THIS particular..thing.. to go into detail about who they are. Just know that they exist.  
  
This is probably the most horrible speech you'll ever read in your whole entire life. I'm not sure what inspired it but it's absolutely insane and twisted and probably really says a lot about me.. er.. yeah.  
  
So with that in mind, don't take it seriously. It's not supposed to make much sense. And it's..just.. horrifying. It is meant to be. Now carry on.  
  
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Greetings fellow citizens of Irk, and places that aren't Irk! ..the citizens, I mean, I'm not saying that the actual physical planet is sitting in the audience wearing a little propeller hat and waving a flag that says "Tal is my anal god." Anyways, greetings and welcome to a day so important that it will serve as a great importance to us. A day so inspirational, it might even inspire us. But only if we play our cards right and orally please Lard Nar on a regular basis. A day so GREAT, that within the realm of its utter greatness, I forgot what I was going to say and I accidentally tossed the rough draft of my speech in Kal's sandwich this morning. I HOPE IT'S TASTY!!  
  
While I try to remember why I'm even here, allow me to give you all a special visual treat. NOW! As I turn around and expose my buff buttocks to you, just remember that my buttocks works for the COMMON GOOD!! That's right.  
  
Anyways, I have seen the injustices that the Almighty Tallests have given to everyone, some of you more deserving than others. But for those who do NOT deserve this treatment, it's our time to stand up and RAISE OUR FIST TO THE SKY ..making sure you're wearing a belt first so your pants don't fall down because you can't look revolutionary with your pants around your ankles and your wiener wafting ever so slightly in the breeze.. and RAISE our FIST to the SKY.. ok you can use both fists if you really want to. Just make sure it doesn't mess with your equilibrium. .. and declare to the tyrannical dictators.. dick potatoes.. heheheee.. that WE WILL NOT EAT THEIR AUNTIE MAE'S OATMEAL! .. wait no.. that we will NOT stand for these injustices for a single day longer! Do we really want to remain slaves subject to their every whim and sexually transmitted disease? .y- .. NO!! NO we do NOT! Do we REALLY want to let them control our lives and rape our anuses and just be all-around pompous BYEASTARDS?! .. NO!! .. okay the guy in the back that said 'yes'.. kindly DIE. OK. Anyways.. my proposal.  
  
I propose that we start a resistance against this oppression and bring it DOWN like Mal's pants every Friday night! ..please don't sue me Mal. I really love you, honest! We are going to FREE everyone .. except the janitors.. I'm not gonna clean toilets! .. everyone will be FREED and we shall bring about the fall of the Irken Empire! If we really want to free everyone, there must be people to do the freeing!! Which is where WE come in!! We will assemble as a group, a group that likes to resist things very resistily. The resistance we show will be the most resistful resisting that has ever dared to resist the Almighty Tallests by the power of sheer RESISTINESS. This resisty thing.. Resisty.. hm.m.. RESISTY!! We shall be called the RESISTY!!! Because.. we resist. And the things we need to resist.. there are SO MANY! But do not resist my voluptuous man titties. Please. They are quite aesthetically pleasing.  
  
On this day, we assemble ourselves as. THE RESISTY!! No longer will we fall victim to the tyrannical rule and banana costumes of the Almighty Tallests and their mighty need for us to dress as giant banana dildos!! On this day we shall be proud of our missing genitalia, and our solitary ball that remains, dangling proudly for all to see! My battle wound will be the official mascot of the Resisty! You'll be able to get uniball-print t- shirts after this meeting in the back of the convention hall. YES!! As of this day, we shall wave our uniballs with PRIDE, sniff our sharpies with resignation that we shall overcome!! This is it, my friends, our place in history begins now. We shall vanquish this threatening threat. Our lives will be free once again, and our smeets will be able to frolic around and get hit by Voots as much as they want from now on!! DO YOU SMELL IT?! THE SMELL OF OUR IMPENDING FREEDOM?! I DO!! NOW!! GO FORTH AND BRING ABOUT THE END TO OUR YEARS OF STRIFE!! We will emerge victorious. We will emerge proud. WE SHALL NEVER BE MADE USEFUL AS DILDOS EVER AGAIN!! You hear me now, Tallests, your day is approaching sooner than you think. When you look up one day, and see me urinating on your beloved BREADSTICKS, you will know deep down that YOU ARE FINISHED!! NOW! Watch me pound on the podium for effect!! YES! And with this pounding, I leave you with my final words: hello kitty vibrator. WAIT! NO! Wrong final words. OK now I leave you with my REAL final words: WE SHALL SUCCEED!!  
  
Thank you. 


End file.
